Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
