Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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