I hate all girls vehemently.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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