You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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