I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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