you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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