Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
