Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
