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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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• (941): View more from Florida

  For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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• (845): View more from New York

  dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"

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• (406): View more from Montana

  There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!

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• (315): View more from New York

  Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  sorry for showing your butt to the bar

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sorry for licking your cheek

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• (323): View more from California

  I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua

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• (278): View more from Michigan

  i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?

  (1-278): View more from Michigan

  and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.

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