I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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