You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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