considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
