Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize