Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
