My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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