Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
