I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
