I CAN MOONWALK!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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