So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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