His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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