I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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