Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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