Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
