I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
