I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
