I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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