I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
