So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My pussy is not your playground.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
