ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
