theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
