Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
soo... how was my night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
