I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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