If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
