She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
