So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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