you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
