I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
