I'm lost and stupid without you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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