Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
