all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
