Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
