im drinking this country out of the recession.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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