We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
