So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
