Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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