he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
