jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
