I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
then he tried to convert me to islam
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
