Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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