I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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