She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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