So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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