i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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