Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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