I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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