I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
