During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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