Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
