Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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