Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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