Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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