well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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