Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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