just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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