Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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