one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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