I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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