i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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