ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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