perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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