This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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