I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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